I know there are moments where words can feel too small for what happened. This might be one of them.
But I still wanted to give you the words you deserved to hear from me.
I'm sorry for the ways I hurt you. I'm sorry for the moments where my actions didn't reflect how much you mattered to me, and for anything I made you carry that should never have been yours to carry alone.
Over the past few months, I've spent a lot of time on my job, and not enough time on the person who matters most. Meta has been a toxic environment, and I let it affect how much I showed up for you. The stress and pressure of work shouldn't have been an excuse for how little I was there for you while you were in the ICU, and I regret that it was.
You were there for me when I broke my arm. You attended to me, supported me, did my laundry, helped me shower - I had you next to me when I needed you the most. I should have reciprocated that care and attention when you were in the ICU, but I didn't. I called and texted you a few times, but it wasn't enough. I should have been far more present for you.
There are not many people in the world who have gone through what you have been through in your life. PKD is a cruel disease, and I know it has taken a toll on you. Did you know you're literally 1 in a million? Well, maybe 5 in a million- but you get my point! Your strength and resilience in the face of such adversity is something I deeply admire. I really don't know anyone else in my life who has to go through the same things you have.
I don't want this apology to erase what happened. I want it to acknowledge it. I want you to know that I've thought about it, that I care, and that I understand that saying "I'm sorry" only matters when it's followed by actual change. You know, there's a quote that goes:
“Some people are worth becoming better for.”
Starting today, there's going to be no more excuses. I want to be better for you. I want to be the person you deserve. I want to be the person you can rely on. I want to be the person who is there for you, through thick and thin. I want to be the person who makes you feel loved and appreciated every single day.
I know that actions speak louder than words, and I will show you that I'm committed to making things right. From engaging more deeply with your medical condition to setting up scheduled calls - I will be the person who supports you, who listens to you, and who is there for you when you need me the most. I will do everything I can to make you feel safe, loved, and cherished.
If I had the chance to handle this situation differently, there are things I would change without hesitation. I would have been more present, more attentive, and more supportive. I would have called you and stayed on the phone for as long as you needed, asking questions about your health and supporting you in any way I could.
I know that I can't change the past, but I can promise you that I'm going to do everything in my power to make sure that the future is different. I am going to make an immediate effort to reprioritize my life and improve myself. I love you so much and there's nothing I wouldn't do to make sure that you feel loved, supported, and appreciated.
With sincerity,
Bab